Grand Ancestral Bloodlines

1774 Burn (2)

Control.

Control.

Control.

It was a word he repeated again and again in his mind. He was so unwilling about everything. Unwilling that so much was up to luck. Unwilling that his temperament was meaning. Unwilling that… even his unwillingness was probably a sham.

If he had another personality, would he care so much? Didn't that mean that even his unwillingness was worthless?

There had to be something to grasp onto.

The only path left seemed to be death. Why bother to hold on to such a worthless life?

But Ryu had experienced death once before.

He hated it.

It was the one thing that connected all of his lives, the one thread that formed a line between them all.

Whether he was a homeless man in the streets, a worthless talent of a rich family, a monk who desired and wanted for nothing…

It didn't matter.

The one thing he hated no matter what was death.

Despite his personality in this life, and despite his strong Dao Heart, he had shed real tears that last night with Elena.

Sitting beneath the moon, knowing that he was about to end his own life, he had felt those palpable feelings.

How pathetic was that?

The one connecting line between his lives was a fear of death?

Even when he faced "death" so boldly in this life, was it because he felt that he truly wouldn't die? Or was it because he was arrogant enough to believe that nothing could possibly kill him? Did he ever truly believe that he would lose his life?

No…

That wasn't it.

The flicker in Ryu's eyes grew a little stronger.

He was in a state where he couldn't lie to himself even if he wanted. Seeing the connecting line between his lives, he began to understand himself even deeper.

The reason he hated death wasn't because of death itself, but because of that very same lack of control.

When he was a weak talent, he hated the fact he couldn't break through his limits.

When he had no background, he hated the fact he didn't have enough opportunities to shatter the barriers that held him back.

When he was a monk, he could never truly let everything go, accepting his fate and achieving nirvana.

Ryu suddenly looked at these past lives from a different perspective.

They were mistakes.

No, calling them mistakes was too dismissive. Each one of these men truly was him, and dismissing them as mistakes would be nothing more than a coping mechanism.

Doing so would bring him back to square one and he would learn nothing at all.

They were reminders.

Reminders that anyone could exhibit a variety of faces, depending on what they had experienced.

In his lives, he had been the best of men and the absolute worst. He had done great services for the world, and he had also made it worse with his existence alone.

In his lives he had been the worst of cowards and the bravest of men. He had run from battles that would have protected his family and died in meaningless squabbles that protected far less than that.

Each memory was a reminder…

That he was no better than anyone else.

It wasn't always about choices. Often, the most important of them would be made without his knowledge.

He began to see life as the wide, complex web it was.

He had already begun to understand Sarriel's perspective in the past, but now he felt it even more clearly than before.

And for the first time… he couldn't help but wonder what had led Primus to make the choices he had.

Sometimes in life, making the right decision was easier the more momentum you had. It was easier to eat healthy if you were already fit, it was easier to study if you were already a straight-A student, it was easier to be kind if the world had never been cruel to you.

These things sounded contradictory, and yet they were also true.

Humans… no, living existences were all imperfect.

A world without immediate results felt like one that went against you at every turn.

Ryu could diligently cultivate before he failed his Awakening because he improved much faster than everyone around him. He could diligently study because his mind had so much plasticity that he could absorb information much easier than others. He could face off and battle against Clans and Sects far stronger than himself because he was used to having the undying self belief.

If any one of these things were taken from him, would they be nearly so easy?

This was the most important kernel of truth.

It was an understanding that just because he had the chance to take advantage of this momentum didn't make him better than everyone else.

Doing what came easily to him shouldn't fill him with pride. It was only natural. What was there to be proud of?

Only if he was able to go against a tide, to build momentum where there was none, could he be worthy of such a thing?

He had already chosen to take give away his chance his next life. This was the last he had.

Grasping onto this kernel felt like a man gasping for air after minutes of none.

If everyone started with the same blank slate, and it was life and luck that painted your canvas, then the value of life was in deciding what you wanted for yourself, what was worth it and what wasn't.

The trouble was that how you viewed the world would always be tinted by those experiences. In some lives Ryu refused to kill at all, but was he the same now?

How could you decide what was good, and what wasn't? How would you decide how to refine your own temperament free of bias?

'If you could experience millions… billions of lives…'

Ryu comprehended the purpose of this inheritance, and the flickering light in his eyes solidified.

Right then, his burning Dao Heart began to burn even fiercer.

But this time, the flames were white.